Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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