2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
