he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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