Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
