man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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