you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
