I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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