I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
