I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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