at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
COCAINE IS GR8
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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