you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
