ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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