drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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