38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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