i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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