so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The ass gains better be worth it
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