Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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