Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
