hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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