I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
