I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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