I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
