If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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