is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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