I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
