Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I will pee on everything he values.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
