My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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