Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
