I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
