I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
