I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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