My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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