Porn is love you can see.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
