he wants to bone in the snuggie
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
