can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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