You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
