Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
