wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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