Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
