yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
