I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
