i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
