Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
