john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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