i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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