I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
