We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
