if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
