I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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