smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
