I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
