I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
