Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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