She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
