By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
