On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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