He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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