I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
