All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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