are you still at the devil's house?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
