I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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