wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
