At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize