i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
