I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
