Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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