my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
