The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize