you would pick up someone in the library
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
