planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
