Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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