shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
